Conference Call

As many of you readers know, we've been very fortunate and been allowed to interview many of the chefs from the four previous seasons. This season the interviews are a little different. Bravo has decided to do interviews by conference call.

I didn't know this until an hour before the first interview was to take place. I had no questions prepared and I sounded like a dying frog who smokes three packs a day when I talked. Oh well, it has to be done, right? So, I call the number provided and have my password ready. It doesn't work. I enter it again. Still not working. Arghhh!. I try to get my password to work for like 5 minutes and this stupid robo lady keeps telling me it's invalid. "The Fuck It Is!" I yell as I hang up.

I'm furious and hacking up an internal organ so I decide to check the blogs email. Low and behold, there's an email from Bravo saying sorry, we fucked up, try this password NOW. I swear the now was all bold like that. So, like a good little blogger, I call and use the password and it works this time. I can hear people talking and am immediately intimidated . These guys are real writers, not some fangirl who got lucky and hooked up with some awesome friends to blog about a show she loved. I am no writer! The only time I've ever used a comma correctly was an accident. I thought apostrophes were optional. You say run on sentence as if its a bad thing.

I hear someone from YumSugar ask a question and think "OMG, I love that blog!" Others ask question but I miss the names of who they are writing for, bummer. One lady asks a question and she has a terrible connection. She decides to scream into the phone,thinking this will make the connection work better, and all we hear are vowels. "A" "E" "I" "O" U." Yeah, I'm follow the vowel lady cause if I screw up, I can just yell out another question, pretending to be her. Brilliant! I so don't wanna ask any questions but I gotta do it so the next lull in questions, I go for it.

"Blogging Top Chef here, do you think you might pull a Danial Franco and come back next season?"

Lauren replies " Not without getting a bit more experience, no. "

I then ask "Why was using a paring knife so difficult? I didn't know it was an advanced skill."
Lauren replies " I hadn't used a paring knife in years. I use a peeler."

Ta-Da! That's my interview folks.

I took notes of the other questions asked and really planned on butchering the English language and writing it up but I can't read my notes. I swear to you my notes look like my two year old nephew wrote them.

So, I get ready to do interview number two, Patrick. I try the number, password is incorrect. Fuck. I keep trying and keep trying. Nope, not happening. I go back to our email and hope to see another email waiting for me with a magical password. It wasn't there but I can make my penis grow up to five more inches according to McAlister Applewood. I read the email from Bravo again and that's when I notice the times. Patrick's interview was scheduled 15 minutes before Laurens.

Fuckiteyfuckfuckfuckerson.

One interview down, 15 to go. This should be interesting.