Chef Mikey... Line 4

Blogging Top Chef: Hello?
Chef Mikey: Hey, It’s Michael
BTC: Hey Mikey! Hows it going?
CM: Going Great. How ya doing?
BTC: I’m great,thanks. Wow, this is so cool. Well, let’s get started.
Why did you become a chef?
CM: When I was a kid, my family had big Sunday dinners. Lot’s of good food. I come from a big family. Then my buddy had a bar so I worked there then decided to go to culinary school. I had a brief stint doing stand up. Some friends and I broke into the Comedy Store. The door was unlocked, lights were on, microphone was on, nobody was there so I did stand up for like 5 minutes. Then the manager came out and was like "What the fuck!" He told me I could come back on open mike night.

BTC: Did you go back?
CM: Nah. My friends were like dude, you should do it. It could have been your big break but I wanted to be a chef.
BTC: Well, I guess that explains your audition video.
CM: Nah man, I didn’t do an audition tape. I had gone to an open casting call in San Francisco and they loved me. They were like dude, you`re so funny! We really like you. You can cook, right? I was like yeah so they had me go to another interview the next day. They loved me. Said I was crazy. I was told you’re going to LA. They said to go ahead and make a video so I did. My wife and I had been celebrating all day. We were in San Francisco so I made the tape. I had been celebrating so I was kind of drunk. So, I set my kitchen on fire.

BTC: Lol, and don’t forget you shared your ass-wiping technique.
CM: Lol, yeah I did.
BTC: Tell me about Wine & Roses. This was your first chef’s position?
CM: I was the lead cook there.
BTC: Why didn’t they give you your job back?
CM: Man, the head chef was a prick. He was like people will come here for the food, not because of the show. They didn’t want the publicity, I guess. He said it was a stupid show.
BTC: Wow, they fucked up. Seems to me as long as people are showing up, that’s a good thing.
CM: I know. Whatever. They fucked up.
BTC: Tell me about Laci. You guys are the cutest couple.
CM: She’s great. We had been together a long time, and then got married. She helps cook. She’s taking culinary classes at a Jr college. She likes baking. She got a penis shaped cake pan for Christmas and she baked penis cakes for all her girlfriends.
BTC: Lol, hey you can never have too much penis or cake. That’s a good thing.

BTC: Did you and Frank really get along?
CM: Well, I was going to kick his ass. He kept singing opera. I would be like dude, be quiet and he would sing louder. He kept doing it and I had like a breakdown. There were 14 of us there so it was early on in taping and we thought they would show it. I was like if you don’t shut up I am gonna heat tomatoes up in the microwave and throw them in your face. He was like I will stop if you sing something. I sang the national anthem. Everybody stood up, hands on hearts, hats off. He didn’t sing anymore after that. Only place Frank should be singing is the Macaroni Grill. lol, know what I mean?
BTC: Lol, yeah, I got ya.

BTC: So, what was with Suzanne Goin?
CM: Man, she’s a bitch. She was talking trash about me before the challenge. It was like 130 degrees so I made my pants into shorts. I was wearing my hat backwards and none of the other chefs had hats on while cooking but she kept going on about my cavalier attitude. So, the challenge was stupid and I was the last to go. Things I wanted to use were picked so I just picked the Cheetos, Snickers and Corn Nuts. Sam was like man, don’t do that. Don’t you know who she is? I was like I want to make Suzanne Goin eat a Cheetos dick. He was like ok dude.
So, I dig through the bag, looking for the most phallic Cheeto in the bag. She comes in and was like interesting presentation. I was like put it in your mouth. She ate the whole thing, she had to.
I had a target on my back after that. Funny thing is I got lots of support from other chefs after that.
BTC: I can’t believe she talked trash about you before the challenge.
CM: Yeah, I know. But the challenge was stupid. It’s not like we got to show our skills. It’s like the canned food challenge. Who cares? I made my stuff in like 15 minutes and it was real good. Elia was right, Cliffs was bad. We all tried it and spit it out. Elias was really good. I liked it but the wanted to make me look like I had no skills. They don’t show my skills.

BTC: So, it was as if they had already picked the winners/loser so your food didn’t matter? They wanted the two of you on the losing team.
CM: Right, and then they contradict themselves.
BTC: You mean, the be innovative then turn around and say you went too far?
CM: Right, that’s what I mean. They wanted innovative and come on, a twice baked potato with shrimp? I wanted to do the cheese plate fifth but Betty was like no, you didn’t put it on the menu. So, I was like ok. I knew it should be fifth and so did everybody else. I mean they chose mushroom soup over mine? At least mine was something different.
BTC: Yeah, I agree with you.
CM: And like in the Sin challenge. Ilan’s food was bad. It was the worst. But Betty goes home? I almost won the sushi challenge too but they don’t want you guys to see that and that’s the only QF where they didn’t show the top 3.

BTC: What about the challenge on the beach, where you forgot your eggs. That challenge was a bit far fetched I thought.
CM: Well, I didn’t forget my eggs. I had my cooler packed. My cooler was the only one without wheels. We go to bed at midnight then get up at about 2:30-3:00 am. I had to lug my cooler down 12 flights of stairs and had no idea where we were going. I get there and no eggs. I thought Frank took my eggs. He probably did but I’m not going to blame anyone. Everybody bought a dozen eggs. I was going to make tacos before we knew where we were going so I was like ok fine, I don’t need eggs now. I knew it would be cool. But then everyone offers me eggs.

BTC: What was your favorite challenge?
CM: I liked the color one. The ice cream one too. People loved my ice cream. They wanted 2-3 scoops. They were like this is awesome. That challenge, Elia and Marcel pissed me off. The producer didn’t come get my ice cream so it melted. The producer finally comes over and was like you didn’t make an ice cream. I was like yes I did and there it is but it’s melted because you didn’t come get it. Elia and Marcel were like, you did not get it to the producers in time so it doesn’t count. I should have won that one. Everybody loved my ice cream and Marisa`s too. Hers was probably the best. Marissa showed Sam and Betty how to make ice cream and they showed others how to make it then. Then Marisa’s ice cream is the least liked? Why didn’t they show us the results? Why have the ballots if we can’t see them?

BTC: What about this latest judge, Mike Yakura? He seemed like an asshole. He was very rude.
CM: He was a dick. I don’t care about the celebrity judges. I get no validation from them. Hell, I didn’t know most of them. I knew Ted Allen and Ming Tsai. I knew Anthony Bourdain. I thought it should be about the food, not who I am cooking it for.
Mike Yakura was like what’s this, brie and crab? I was like yeah dude, watch Food Network and you will see that shit all the time. That guy is just a dick.
BTC: Did you read Harolds blog?
CM: No but I heard about it. He ripped that guy pretty good. I heard he challenged that guy to a cook off. Lol, that’s funny. Harold would kick his ass.

BTC: Did you get to talk to Anthony Bourdain? He really seemed to like you.
CM: Nah, not really. He shook my hand and all but that’s about it. They said he really liked me so I wrote him a note. It said "Best props ever" on the front and on the back it said “I love the way you kiss me when you fuck me. Call me for drinks. We can meet at Applebee’s anywhere". He was like who the hell is this guy? Lol, Sam saw him later at something and Bourdain was like where’s Mike? Is he here?
BTC: Lol, that’s hysterical.

CM: Hey, did Frank really buy a ferrai?
BTC: I don’t know. He called from the dealership he said.
CM: Frank offered me his old job. He was like I’m doing consulting now. It was like $40,000 a year and now he’s buying Ferrais? Lol Yeah Frank, rent a ferrai for a day and get some prostitutes.
BTC: You think it’s a mid life crisis thing? Or is he living out a Pretty Woman fantasy?
CM: Lol, yeah, that’s it.
BTC: I see you got some Christmas gifts. What all did you get?
CM: Yeah, I got a case of Cheetos, Snickers, panties, all kinds of stuff. People kept asking what I wanted and I got tired of writing stuff down so I was like fuck it. If you want to send me something, here’s my address.
BTC: Where you worried about stalkers showing up?
CM: Nah, nobody showed up.

BTC: Did you read what Sam had said about you? About learning so much from you and how you were real, very comfortable in your own skin.
CM: Yeah I read that and thought it was very cool. I mean, Sam helped me a lot. That meant a lot to me. Ilan helped too. They are great guys. We formed a pact right off. No throwing each other under the bus. This last show was the first time all 3 of us were on a team together. When the judges tried to get us to throw each other under the bus, we wouldn’t. It was a team and we stuck to it.
I want to give a shout out to Sam and Ilan. They both are great and helped me a lot.

BTC: Is there going to be a reunion show?
CM: I guess not. I guess they figure there was enough drama already. Season 1 was all like professional and shit and we are not I guess. Cliff would fit into season 1 well. He’s all serious. They don’t show him having a laugh.
BTC: I guess he was Angry Man.
CM: Yeah, that’s it.
BTC: So you got along with most everyone?
CM: Yeah, I am real laid back, normally get along with everyone. I mean Frank and I aren’t that bad. We get along.
BTC: Well, there’s a lot of Mikey love going on right now.
CM: Yeah, that’s cool. Remember to vote for me for fan favorite.
BTC: Yeah, an extra $10,000 is always nice, huh?
CM: Lol, yeah.
BTC: Take care Mikey and come back anytime.
CM: Yeah, I will do that. Love your blog.
BTC: Thanks Mikey, take care.